Written for Fethiye Times and with photographs by Mike Vickers

Now that so many of us are spending unexpected amounts of time experiencing home alone, boredom is fast becoming a problem, after all, even for the most dedicated viewer, TV can only provide so much entertainment before your brain turns to mush. It’s now time to step up to the mark and become more proactive, as we’ve seen recently on the internet, where large numbers of people have demonstrated extraordinary ingenuity by diverting their energies away from driving the global economy into something much more creative.

With our current limited ability to socialize, I’ve turned to the garden for inspiration, populating it with chlorophyll characters both real and fictional. Although this started off as just a whim to pass the time, I suspect I’ve blundered into uncharted psychological territory because I’ve actually started talking to them…

Meeting New Friends
Kate Bush has a discreet summer retreat on our site. Poor Kate’s been looking a bit peeky recently – maybe she’s been Running Up That Hill again.
Meeting New Friends
Sherlock Holmes keeps an eye our front door. Know why I call him Sherlock? Because it’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.
Meeting New Friends
Ah, the fragrant but understandably timid Rosemary Bush. She always gets nervous when Jan’s rustling up a lamb dish.
Meeting New Friends
Flower-power 60s supermodel Twiggy loves Fethiye, where she can indulge in her deep-fried pie sandwich fantasies away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi.
Meeting New Friends
Here’s notoriously eloquent raconteur, George W Bush. ‘How’s it going, George? Sorted out your self-inflicted Gallic problem?’ ‘They misunderestimated me. The trouble with the French is that they have no word for entrepreneur.’
Meeting New Friends
Callum the Cactus. Struggling with puberty has made him prickly – and as for that acne…
Meeting New Friends
There’s Tina patrolling over by the garden wall. She’s taking lockdown very seriously. ‘Twenty-five was the speed limit, Motorcycle not allowed in it, They call it Nutbush, ooh Nutbush, They call it Nutbush City limits…’
Meeting New Friends
Finally, I’d like to introduce our resident Wonderbra model, Beatrice van der Bushbooben. Normally immaculately turned out, the nationwide beauty salon closure has hit her badly…
Meeting New Friends
… as she has a bikini line that’s going rogue.