This article was written for Fethiye Times by Sian Midgley
Hello dear readers. Before you read on please be assured that I’m not treating the world’s current situation lightly, far from it. This article is purely a light hearted, and hopefully humorous look at how everything happening around us is affecting me, personally.
So, are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
Dream Holiday to Holiday From Hell
My woeful tale started to unfold at the beginning of March when I flew to the UK to see the old girl and go on a holiday of a lifetime with her to New Zealand. At that point no one, including myself or the travel company, seemed overly concerned about the virus.
Our first week in the South Island went swimmingly well – we ooh’d at mountains, aah’d at canyons, gasped at waterfalls and groaned at huge meals.
And …I fell in love with a penguin.
But as we crossed over to the North Island it was no longer the virus, it had become THE VIRUS. All of a sudden signs were in shop windows telling us we couldn’t go in, restaurants were closing early and locals were crossing the road when we passed, although that might have been due to mother’s little problem which we will discuss later.
Our week long trip from Wellington to Auckland was condensed into six hours and we’ve been sitting in an Auckland airport hotel ever since – 10 days so far. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good car park, but staring at one out of a hotel window, hour after hour, day after day isn’t quite as exciting as I’d hoped. We are allowed out for a daily walk but unfortunately the car park doesn’t get any more exciting at eye level.
The Chase vs Location vs Joe Wicks vs Flatulence
We are keeping ourselves occupied though – mainly with an array of British TV programmes but, although you may find it hard to believe, you really can have too much of Phil & Kirsty and Bradley Walsh. On the upside, by the end of this I’ll be able to open an Estate Agency and be the most popular person on the quiz team.
I’ve also kept busy by tuning into a bit of Joe Wicks, along with over a million others, some of whom do the exercise, others who just switch on for a bit of mummy porn (well, he is a good looking lad isn’t he?). Unfortunately exercising in a small hotel room presents it’s own challenges, not least the chance of knocking over the TV and poking your own eye out. Mother, however, has decided to keep things simple and entertains herself by laughing hysterically every time she farts but each to their own huh?
But things are getting desperate; my chocolate supplies have run out, there’s no cars left to look at in the car park, the hotel has put us on cold, inedible rations and mother still has wind…
Home Sweet Home…Sort Of
By the time you are reading this we hope to be in the air on our third attempt to leave the country. If successful, we will then head back to mother’s house in the UK for further self isolation – although when I actually get back to my real home in Turkey is anyone’s guess.
On a positive note, mummy dearest does have a lovely big garden so at least I can kick her out if this bad habit of hers persists….