Yes, It’s me, Vanessa Black and you’re lucky to be reading this. Believe me.

I was beginning to wonder whether I’d have the time or the energy to write for you at all this week. For people like me jet setting may be a way of life but it doesn’t make it any less exhausting. But anyway,  I’m pleased to say that Ankara can be great fun and thank goodness at my age a good night’s sleep I’m rearing to go.

You may wonder why I have been so busy. Well, that’s for me to know and you to find out. But lets be certain about one thing. It had NOTHING to do with some very seedy goings down south in Adana. No. Key parties are not my scene at all.


Prigs and Pringles

In fact, I must admit, these days I am becoming more than a bit of a prig. And I really don’t know why.

On returning to Fethiye I noticed that it has calmed down after the musical frenzy, the weather is getting a lot warmer and the Turkish Lira is a fantastic buy for those of us with Sterling, Dollars and Euros to spare. Economics is not really my thing but I do know that I can buy a load more for my money. Rugs, pottery, clothes, art, shoes, you name it, I’ll buy it. I’ll need to get a bigger apartment soon if it carries on like this.

Fethiye Confidential

But now I have to confess, apart from some excellent shopping it really hasn’t been a good week.

This is Fethiye Confidential and excuse me but sometimes I have to ventilate.

Put it away please

As much as it pains me to say it, as I love nothing more than the human body, I’ve seen more than a few half dressed oiks wandering the streets this last few days. Do they mosey about their own towns stripped to the waist (sometimes even lower) or in a bikini, I wonder? Perhaps they do but I wish they didn’t. I wont eat in a restaurant that permits its customers to eat without a modicum of respect for their fellow diners. Would you? I’d prefer to sit at home with a tube of Pringles and a box set.

And heaven forbid if I see a man in speedos swaggering about town. I’ve tried all sorts of tactics in the past but since I was let off with a caution I just say something guaranteed to make these narcissists think twice before wearing them again. That’s if they ever recover sufficiently to go outside at all. With or without their speedos.

The sight of all that flesh is etched onto my retinas. I can’t stop seeing them even when (especially when) I close my eyes.

Pines and needles

‘On to more pleasant subjects please’, I hear you whimper. OK. I’ll try. Yes. I must tell you about a beautiful gift I was given by an admirer recently: a basket made from pine needles. YES! Pine needles. Evidently it is an art form (that has crossed the pond and most of the Mediterranean) from the Native Americans and someone is making them here. I’ll manage to extract the information from him, as I always do, but in the meantime please be patient.

Here is a picture (of part) of my beautiful gift. I don’t want to make you too envious.

Fethiye Confidential: how fethiye made me a prude

A perfect set

I think I might let you in on a secret but please don’t go around telling everyone. I have just had some ‘work’ done on my teeth. Of course they are pretty perfect already, oral care being right at the top of my list but every now and again a little TLC is a must for all women. A good going over from my dentist is an biannual delight I can highly recommend and as my tan becomes more golden my teeth look even whiter! I’m sure you’ll agree it’s a win win.

Fethiye Confidential: how fethiye made me a prude

But girls (and boys too come to that) please keep the tanning for the pool or beach, not when you’re wandering around the shops in Fethiye, eating lunch, or as some of my less well-healed friends tell me, on the BUS! Yes, would you believe it? I mean there are times and places for that and the dolmus during the rush hour isn’t one of them.

Ancient or modern?

I don’t know whether you’ve heard but I was told there has been a lot of activity at the ‘Antique’ Roman theatre recently, so I went along to have a look. I don’t think the word antique will be very appropriate from now on. It looks to me as if it was built last week. In a way it was. While I was there I tried to test the acoustics as before the renovation started it was rather good and I’d given some serious thought to an evening of me singing operatic arias. The builders weren’t very happy about it and yelled something at me that didn’t sound too friendly or encouraging. Oh dear. It’s been one of those weeks.

I’m hyper ventilating at the thought of it all, so I’m off to lie down.

But before I do, I must tell you about the Stitch and Bitch event I went to this week.

I can’t knit.